Getting Over a breakup feels like attempting to breathe underwater—agonizing, choking, and incessantly overwhelming. Blindsided or foreseen, heartbreak is deep. Here‘s the fact: though pain exists, so does your ability to heal. Here, you’ll learn 9 tips for healing, with each rooted in real-life scenarios, expert advice, and research-driven methods that will lead you to peace after the storm.
Why Breakups Hurt So Much: The Science Behind the Pain
Recent research at Stanford University indicates that emotional pain engages the same parts of the brain as physical pain. In the opinion of Dr. Ethan Kross, a psychologist at the University of Michigan, individuals who re-experience emotional pain following a breakup have heightened brain activity in the anterior cingulate cortex and insula—regions associated with physical pain.
In short: you’re not “too sensitive.” You’re human.
Tip 1: Let Yourself Grieve Without Shame
Suppressing pain only delays healing.
Real-Life Example:
Alex, 29, from Toronto, shared, “I kept pretending everything was fine. But after two months, I broke down in the middle of a work meeting. That’s when I realized grief demands attention.”
What to Do:
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Cry, journal, scream into a pillow—whatever you need.
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Avoid judging your emotions.
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Acknowledge the loss, just like you would with any kind of death.
Tip 2: Cut Off Contact for a Clean Break
Digital strings pull at emotional wounds.
Expert Insight:
Relationship therapist Dr. Jenn Mann advises a “No Contact Rule” for at least 30 days post-breakup to let your emotions settle.
Why It Works:
When you see their name pop up, your brain releases dopamine—a false sense of hope that stalls your healing.
Action Steps:
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Mute or block on social media.
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Delete their number (yes, really).
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Resist the urge to check their updates.
Tip 3: Create a Safe “Emotional Sanctuary”
Your environment influences your recovery.
Practical Advice:
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Rearrange your furniture to symbolize change.
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Remove mementos that trigger pain.
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Light a candle or play soothing music every evening.
Real-Life Story:
Lena, 35, from Sydney, turned her old shared bedroom into a “zen corner” with plants, floor cushions, and incense. “That room used to feel like a graveyard. Now it feels like mine.”
Tip 4: Reconnect with Yourself
Who were you before the relationship? Who do you want to become?
Research Backs This Up:
A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that rediscovering personal identity accelerates post-breakup recovery.
Checklist for Self-Reconnection:
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Write a list of hobbies you loved before the relationship.
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Revisit old friendships.
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Try something totally new—like salsa dancing or hiking.
Tip 5: Surround Yourself with Your “Love Tribe”
Isolation magnifies heartbreak. Connection shrinks it.
Expert Interview:
Brené Brown, author of Daring Greatly, emphasizes vulnerability with trusted friends. “Shame cannot survive being spoken.”
How to Build Your Support System:
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Schedule weekly hangouts with friends.
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Join a local group or online community.
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Talk to a therapist—don’t suffer in silence.
Tip 6: Reflect, Don’t Ruminate
Reflection leads to growth. Rumination leads to stagnation.
Table: Reflection vs. Rumination
| Trait | Reflection | Rumination |
|---|---|---|
| Purpose | To understand and grow | To dwell and self-blame |
| Thought Pattern | Constructive and curious | Repetitive and negative |
| Outcome | Healing and clarity | Increased anxiety and depression |
Journaling Prompts to Guide Reflection:
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What did I learn about love?
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What will I do differently next time?
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What patterns do I want to break?
Tip 7: Prioritize Self-Care Like a Ritual
Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s essential.
Bullet Points:
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Eat nourishing food—breakup meals aren’t only Ben & Jerry’s.
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Move your body, even if it’s just stretching or a walk.
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Sleep well—lack of sleep heightens emotional instability.
Case Study:
After a breakup, Jordan, 41, from Cape Town committed to a 30-day yoga challenge. “It grounded me in the present when my mind wanted to spiral into the past.”
Tip 8: Rewrite the Story You Tell Yourself
The breakup doesn’t define you. How you rise does.
Slang with Substance:
As Americans say, “Don’t let the breakup rent space in your head.” Or in Aussie terms, “Kick that emotional baggage to the curb, mate.”
Action Plan:
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Write a letter to your ex (don’t send it).
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Follow it with a letter to your future self.
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Reframe the narrative: You’re not abandoned. You’re evolving.
Tip 9: Give Love Another Chance—But Only When You’re Ready
Moving on isn’t about replacing. It’s about rebuilding.
What Research Says:
According to Dr. Gary Lewandowski, author of Stronger Than You Think, people who take time to heal fully after a breakup enter their next relationship with healthier boundaries and stronger emotional awareness.
Signs You’re Ready:
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You don’t check their social media anymore.
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The thought of them doesn’t hijack your mood.
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You feel curiosity about new possibilities—not dread.
Useful Checklist: Are You Healing or Just Numbing?
✅ I can think about the breakup without crying.
✅ I no longer blame myself entirely.
✅ I’ve started new hobbies or reconnected with old ones.
✅ I’m not looking for validation through dating apps.
✅ I sleep and eat with regularity.
✅ I can imagine a happy future.
If you checked at least 4, you’re well on your way.
External Resources for Deeper Support
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BetterHelp – Licensed therapy online, available 24/7. Experts in trauma and heartbreak.
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The Gottman Institute – Backed by 40+ years of research on relationships and emotional healing.
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Psychology Today Breakup Support Articles – Expert-written articles on emotional recovery.
FAQs : Getting Over a Breakup
1.What’s the first thing to do after a breakup?
Go no-contact. This gives you mental space to process the pain and begin healing.
2.How long does it take to get over a breakup?
It varies, but research shows it can take 3 months to a year depending on the depth of the connection.
3.Is it okay to cry a lot?
Absolutely. Crying releases oxytocin and helps you process grief.
4.Should I be friends with my ex?
Only after you’ve fully healed and have no romantic attachment left.
5.How do I stop thinking about my ex?
Engage in new routines, avoid triggers, and redirect thoughts with mindfulness techniques.
6.Can therapy help with breakups?
Yes, therapists offer tools to process grief, reframe narratives, and build emotional resilience.
7.Why does my body feel physically sick?
Heartbreak activates the vagus nerve, which links emotions to physical symptoms like nausea or fatigue.
8.When should I start dating again?
Only when you’re excited about the future—not trying to escape the past.
9.What if I keep dreaming about my ex?
This is common. Dreams often reflect unresolved emotions. Journaling or therapy can help.
10.How do I know I’ve truly moved on?
When you feel peace—no bitterness, no longing, just gratitude and growth.
Final Thoughts: Healing Is Messy, But It’s Beautiful
Getting over a breakup is not a straight line. You‘ll have days where you‘re unstoppable and others where you break down over a song or an aroma. That‘s not weakness—it‘s love leaving the body.
But you‘ll get up. You‘ll laugh again. You‘ll trust again. Most importantly, you‘ll meet the version of yourself that heartbreak unveiled—the stronger, wiser, more compassionate you.
Your healing begins with one courageous decision: to believe in tomorrow.
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